Cranky Doodle Daddy
by TheSnarkKnight30
Summary: Twilight Sparkle turns her friends into fillies while trying a new spell. Cranky Doodle Donky is asked to help Derpy Hooves take care of six pint-sized nightmares. Will he be able to conquer his struggles with fatherhood?
1. Chapter 1

It was a perfectly sunny Saturday morning. Everypony in Ponyville was outside enjoying the weather. Well, everypony except for Cranky Doodle Donkey, that is. Cranky rubbed his old tired eyes and poured himself a hot cup of coffee just like any typical Saturday morning. He drank his coffee black. He used no sugar or milk to sweeten it up. He started reading the news paper to make sure there wasn't any more Gabby Gums articles about his bald head hidden under his wig. Matilda went out shopping for some apples, carrots, and oats. He didn't mind being home alone. It was the only time for him to get some peace and quiet in the day. He heard a knock at the door.

"Ugh! Company…" Cranky moaned. He opened the door expecting Pinkie Pie to throw him a big rambunctious party of some kind. Instead, Derpy Hooves stands in front of the door.

"What do you want?" He asked.

"I have a problem." Derpy Hooves said.

"You're going to have an even bigger problem if you don't get your flank off my lawn!" Cranky grumbled trying to slam the door in her face. Derpy stopped him with her hoof.

"Wait! This is important!" Derpy said with panic in her voice. Cranky rolled his eyes and let her in. A piece of him felt pity for the helpless cross-eyed mare. "Twilight was trying to use a spell to see her friends foalhood. I tried to give a letter from Princess Celestia, but I bumped into her. Then there was a big bang and now they turned into fillies." Derpy Hooves said.

" I don't have any magic. What do you want me to do about it?" Cranky asked.

"I took them to Zecora. She said they'll be back to normal on midnight. I can't take care of them all on my own. There's six of them and only one of me." Derpy replied.

"Why should I help you foalsit? It's your fault that they got turned into fillies in the first place." Cranky said.

"Please, sir. I can't do this alone." Derpy said.

"Where are they?" He asked. Derpy put the mailbag in front of him. Six tiny fillies lay sound huddled into a ball. He recognized the pink filly at the top of the pile as Pinkie Pie. They were all so adorable, even Cranky couldn't resist.

"Fine. I'm sure they won't be too much trouble." Cranky said. Derpy put the sack down on the sofa.

" Thank you. I borrowed some foal supplies from Mr. and Mrs. Cake." Derpy said.

"Why couldn't they take care of them?" He asked.

" Because they were busy working at the bakery and taking care of the twins. What should we do when they're asleep?" Derpy asked.

"Find a way to amuse ourselves, I guess." He said resuming the crossword puzzle he was working on in the news paper. Derpy reached into the sack and took out a rattle.

"Check out the cool maraca thing gave me." Derpy said shaking the rattle. The sack begins rustling about. The fillies cry noisily inside the bag.

" Oh no! I think the fillies are sad. What should we do?" Derpy said. Applejack gnawed on the wooden chair leg. Cranky pulled Applejack by the tail.

"Get that out of your mouth! You don't eat chairs! We should give them some lunch to eat." Cranky replied. He put each of the crying fillies in a chair. "Put the bibs on." Cranky demanded.

" Okay, Mr. Donkey. Do you think we look silly in these bibs?" Derpy asked picking up the bib and tieing it around her neck. Cranky Doodle rips the bib off of his neck.

"Not on me, you idiot. On the fillies." Cranky snapped. "Nevermind, I'll put the bibs on the fillies. How about you make the foal food." Cranky said.

" I don't know how." Derpy said.

" All you have to do is put the carrots in the blender and press start." Cranky said.

"That sounds easy." Derpy said loading the blender up with carrots. Derpy pressed the start button with her hoof. "Why isn't it working?" Derpy asked.

" Because you don't have it plugged into the wall, you halfwit." Cranky said plugging the cord into the outlet. Derpy pressed the button again. The blender began to shake and carrot mush splatters all over the walls. Carrot goop drizzled down his grumpy face. Cranky put the lid on the blender and slammed his hoof on the table.

"I just don't know what went wro-" Derpy said.

"SIT DOWN!" Cranky shouted.

" I'm sorry, . I just don't know what happened." Derpy said.

"Quiet!" Cranky said.

"But!" Derpy said pointing at Rainbow Dash standing on the kitchen table.

"But nothing. I don't need your help." Cranky said shoving the pacifier in her mouth. Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Applejack, Fluttershy, and Twilight began to lick the carrots off of the table. All of the mares except for Rarity and Rainbow Dash let out a little burp. Cranky picked up Rarity and patted her on the back. Rarity pouted. No matter how hard he patted on her back she refused to let out a burp. Even as a filly her size Rarity still wanted to be treated like a lady. Rainbow Dash opened her little blue wings and leaped off the table.

" No!" Cranky shouted. Rainbow Dash flapped her wings as she could with no prevail. Rainbow Dash dropped to the ground hitting her head off of the chair. Rainbow Dash cried loudly.

"Why didn't you tell me that she was going to jump?" Cranky asked losing his temper. "You can't fly." He scolded Rainbow Dash.

"You told me to be quiet." Derpy said looking down at her hooves in shame. Her ears droop. " I guess I'm not fit to be a mommy." Pinkie Pie crawled on to the table while Cranky was busy yelling at Derpy Hooves. Pinkie Pie drank the coffee out of Cranky's mug. Her body began to tremble like a jack hammer.

"What's the matter with Pinkie?" Derpy asked. Cranky looked inside his empty mug.

"Oh,no!" He said. Pinkie Pie lonched herself in the air like a rocket and galloped around on the ceiling. All they could see was a bright pink blur bouncing on the walls. Pinkie pie cracked the window with her hoof.

" Get down from there!" Cranky yelled.

" I'll get her!" Derpy said flying off of the chair. Derpy Hooves grabbed Pinkie by the with her teeth. Pinkie Pie sprinted up the stairs making Derpy's chin slam into each step.

Applejack knocked over Matilda's favorite vase. The flowers and soil land on the rug. Applejack rolled around in the soil and left muddy hoof prints all around the house.

Rarity started bawling because Applejack got her hoof all dirty. Cranky picked up Rarity. Her diaper smelled like garbage. He took off her dirty diaper.

Twilight tried to learn how to use her magic. Her horn lit up. The furniture floated up in the air. The sofa crashed into Cranky. A cloud of baby powder filled the room. Applejack sneezed. Pinkie Pie giggled. Derpy grabbed Pinkie Pie and tied her to the chair with the blender cord tangling herself up in the process. Pinkie Pies body struggled and twitched. Cranky fell backward onto the piano. Derpy opened up a window. The cloud of baby powder disappeared. Cranky saw Rainbow Dash standing on the railing.

" Don't you dare jump. You know what happened last time. I'm going to count to three. One….Two…" Cranky said. Rainbow Dash ignored him and pounced off of the railing face first into the wall. Rainbow Dash screamed.

"Wait a second… Wasn't there six fillies before the baby powder spilled?" Cranky asked.

"I think so! Why?" Derpy asked.

"Where's the quiet yellow one?" Cranky asked.

"Fluttershy!" Derpy gasped.


	2. Chapter 2

Derpy peeked her little grey head underneath the couch letting her mane hang down her face. She tried her best not to wake up the five sleeping fillies. They tossed and turned to try to get into a comfortable position. Nopony would have ever guessed that six innocent little ponies could make such a mess. Trails of dirty hoof prints covered the newly waxed floors along with the splinters from the broken tables and chairs. A cold draft comes into the house through the broken window.

"Do you see her?" Cranky asked as he checked inside the trashcan full of dirty diapers. He wished that Matilda would return from the grocery store to lend him a hoof or better yet, that he didn't offer to help the wall eyed mare at all.

"Nope!" Derpy said hitting her head off of the couch.

"What are you good for anyway?" He asked. He turned around and kicked the trash can in frustration.

"I can blow bubbles with my spit. That could be useful." Derpy said looking behind the curtain. Crank narrowed his tired eyes at Derpy Hooves.

"For nothing." He grumbled as he checked underneath the piano.

"I'll do my best to help you." Derpy said.

"I think you've helped quite enough. Why did you ask for my help in the first place?" He asked.

"I'm not supposed to tell you. It's a secret." Derpy whispered.

"A secret? What kind of a secret?" He asked.

"Matilda said I'm not supposed to tell you." Derpy said.

"Tell me what?" He asked raising his voice.

"That Matilda wants a foal." Derpy blurted out. The room went dead quiet. Derpy covered her mouth with her hoof. Cranky's eyes widened.

"What?" He asked.

"She said she has been trying to give you hints that she always wanted a foal for years. She was afraid to ask. Now she thinks it's too late and she wants to adopt one. This was all a test to see if you would be a good father."Derpy said. The thought of Matilda being unhappy never crossed his mind. For most of his life he was more concerned with his own problems. It disturbed Cranky that she was more comfortable talking to the wall eyed mare than her own husband.

"The spell was only supposed to be casted on Pinkie. I accidentally made Twilight mess up and she turned them all into fillies." Derpy continued.

"So you asked for help and then lied to me? Is that the thanks I get? My love life isn't any of your business." He asked stomping his hoof on the ground so hard that he woke up the fillies. The frightened fillies wailed in despair. Rainbow Dash rubbed her sleepy eyes with her hooves. Pinkie Pies lip quivered. Rarity sobs loudly. Twilight covers her ears with her hooves. Applejack covers her eyes with her oversized hat.

"I'm sorry." Derpy whimpered.

"GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!" He shouted.

Derpy's ears drooped down. Derpy threw her mailbag over her shoulder and sadly walked out the door. Derpy sat on a rock all by herself. The rain made all of the mail in the bag get soggy. The pouring rain washed away her tears. She suddenly feels something squirming in her mailbag. Derpy shook Fluttershy out of the sack. She covered her face with her wing. Derpy lifted Fluttershy up and flew in a circle gleefully.

"I founded you!" Derpy said wrapping her front legs around her. Fluttershy giggled. "I better go tell Cranky that you're okay." Derpy said.

Cranky wandered around the house half cleaning half trying to find Fluttershy. He heard Matilda come into the house.

"I'm sorry I'm late. How was your day, honey?" She asked pretending to be unaware of the situation.

"Why didn't you tell me that you wanted a foal?" He asked numbly. He didn't even turn around to look at her. He just looked inside the cabinets for Fluttershy.

"I didn't know if you were ready to be a father. I thought that maybe you would want one after you saw how cute they were." She said.

"What's wrong with what we have now? We don't need a foal." He grumbled.

"But she needs us." Matilda said.

"She? You have one already picked out? When was I supposed to find out about this?" He asked coldly.

"I was going to tell you. Her name is Scootaloo. I'm sure she won't be as much of a hoof full as si newborn fillies. Rainbow Dash told me she doesn't have a family a few weeks ago. I just wanted her so badly." Matilda pleaded.

"We're too old to be looking after some snot nosed foal." He snapped.

"Forget it! You're too heartless to be a father." She yelled choking back tears. Matilda charged up the stairs and slammed her bedroom door shut. He heard a knock on the door.

"What do you want?" Cranky groaned.

"I found Fluttershy." Derpy said. Her drenched mane covered her grinning face.

"Whoopty doo!" He said snatching Fluttershy out of her hooves. "Now go away!" He said slamming the door in her face. He put Fluttershy down beside the other fillies. Before he could go back to cleaning the house, Pinkie hugged his front leg and smiled at him.

"Oh, no you don't." He said putting her back on the couch. Pinkie Pie pouted. He took the hat off of Applejack's head while she was asleep. He covered Pinkie' eyes and played Peekaboo. Pinkie Pie giggled. He began to change his mind about Scootaloo. He galloped out the door.

The clock struck midnight and Twilight and her friends returned to their original age.

"Ugh! What happened?" Rainbow Dash moaned.

"Where are we?" Twilght said putting her hoof on her aching head.

"Hey, look! Rarity is suckin' on her hoof!" Applejack chuckled. Rarity quickly took her hoof out of her mouth. She tried to hide her embarrassment.

"I certainly was not sucking my hoof!" Rarity said trying to look sophisticated.

"What are we doing at Cranky's house? Are we having a party?" Pinkie said.

"We're in Cranky's house? I hope he doesn't mind." Fluttershy said timidly.

"Spike must be worried sick about us." Twilight added.

"Yeah. We better git goin'." Applejack said putting her hat back on and walking out the door.

"Derpy! Wait!" He shouted to Derpy. Derpy turned around and landed on the ground.

"What?" Derpy asked.

"Could you go to get Scootaloo for me while I watch the fillies?" He asked. Derpy nods and flies up into the air. She disappears into a sea of rain clouds.

"Scoots, wake up!" Derpy said nudging Scootaloo.

"What happened?" Scootaloo said.

"You're going to meet your new mommy and daddy." Derpy said.

"Really?" She said leaping into the air. "I can't wait to tell Rainbow Dash!" Scootaloo cheered as she followed Derpy to Cranky's cottage.

"I'm so nervous. What if they don't like me?" Scootaloo asked standing in front of the porch.

"Your new mommy is very nice. Your new daddy might need a little time to get used to you." Derpy replied.

Scootaloo hesitantly knocked on the door.

"Come in! Hurry!" Cranky said opening the door.

"Who keeps knocking on that door?" Matilda asked as she trotted down the stairs.

"Hi, mommy."Scootaloo said.

"Oh! She's so beautiful. Is she coming to stay with us?" She said. Cranky nodded happily.

"This is nice and all, but does your house always look like this?" Scootaloo asked.

Cranky and Matilda laughed in unison.

"That was sort of my fault. Sorry!" Derpy said.

"Thank you so much, Derpy! Good night!" Cranky said. Derpy waved goodbye and flew back to Cloudsdale.

"I wish I could fly like that!" Scootaloo said.

"Someday we'll teach you how to fly. Maybe you'll even be a Wonderbolt like Rainbow Dash." Cranky said. Scootaloo flapped her wings cheerfully.

"Do you really think so?" She asked.

"You could do anything you put your little mind to." Matilda said patting her mane.

"What about getting my cutie mark?" She asked.

"You'll get one one day. You're lucky to be a Pegasus. Donkeys like me don't get cutie marks. I still don't know what my special talent is." He said.

"I think yours would be for being a good daddy." Scootaloo said putting her head on Cranky's shoulder.


End file.
